Tuesday, September 02, 2014

SWEET AS: The Top 4 From Dynamite Entertainment's November 2014 Solicitations

When we Kiwis find something we like, we say it's 'Sweet as'. When I look at Dynamite Entertainment's November 2014 solicits, these four make the 'Sweet As' grade:

 PICK OF THE MONTH: 
DJANGO / ZORRO #1 


As if Zorro wasn't the coolest indie character out there, he now teams with Quentin Tarantino's vengeful former slave Django, to seal the deal!  Heck, it's even written by Tarantino himself! 'Just don't faint from its awesomeness while holding the comic. The fall might wrinkle the pages.

Dynamite says: The official sequel to Django Unchained in the first-ever comic book sequel ever done of a Tarantino film!

Set several years after the events of Django Unchained, Django/Zorro #1 finds Django again pursuing the evil that men do in his role as a bounty hunter. Since there's a warrant on his head back east, he's mainly been plying his trade in the western states. After safely settling his wife, Broomhilda, near Chicago, he's again taken to the road, sending her funds whenever he completes a job. 

It's by sheer chance that he encounters the aged and sophisticated Diego de la Vega -- the famed Zorro -- and soon finds himself fascinated by this unusual character, the first wealthy white man he's ever met who seems totally unconcerned with the color of Django's skin... and who can hold his own in a fight. 

He hires on as Diego's "bodyguard" for one adventure and is soon drawn into a fight to free the local indigenous people from a brutal servitude, discovering that slavery isn't exclusive to black folks. In the course of this adventure, he learns much from the older man (much like King Schultz) and, on several occasions, even dons the mask and the whip... of The Fox! (W) Quentin Tarantino, Matt Wagner, (A) Esteve Polls.

 SOUNDS LIKE AWESOME 

VAMPIRELLA FEARY TALES #2 Vampirella's only hope of escaping The Storyteller is to live out the twisted fantasies in his book. She soon finds herself cast as "Snow White" in a macabre re-imagining of the classic Betty Boop cartoon. Then, we provide a fresh take on an old fishwife's tale when Vampirella is sent to a thirsty Old West town to find out whether or not Sailor Jim and his mermaid bride really are living 'happily ever after'. (W) Nancy A. Collins, Gail Simone, Stephen R. Bisette, Denis St. John, (A) Jack Jadson, Ronilson Freire, Bilquis Evely



 JUMP ON HERE:

JOHN CARTER: WARLORD OF MARS #1 John Carter: Warlord of Mars returns in a new monthly series, officially authorized by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Inc.! Return to the exotic landscape of Barsoom, as John Carter has to save his adopted world, not to mention his beloved Dejah Thoris, from an enemy like no other he has ever faced. John Carter must truly become Warlord of Mars against an adversary who is every bit his equal on the savage red planet. An amazing new era starts here! (W) Ron Marz (A) Abhishek Malsuni

 THE REGULAR READ 

TUROK: DINOSAUR HUNTER #10 Life is difficult for Turok in the "civilized" Great Britain of the 1200s, where he's treated as a "savage" despite being able to tame dinosaurs better than anyone. But a murder conspiracy against one of his allies will send the dinosaur hunter deep within Sherwood Forest, and back into his element. (W) Greg Pak, Paul Tobin (A) Mirko Colak

What do you think? For the full list of Dynamite's November 2014 solicitations, click the jump.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

IF CALL CENTRES BE WORTHY: Man and Amazon Help Desk Attendant Role Play Thor and Odin During Online Chat

When I call a help-desk on or off line it quickly becomes a game of 'How long can Bruce Banner stave off changing to the Hulk?', How long can Jason Blood stave off changing to Etrigan?', Dan Ketch to the Ghost Rider?', Walter Langkowski to Sasquatch?' - I think you get the point.

However, one mightily Marvel-minded man approached the online helpdesk of Amazon.com in the tone of Thor, and not only did the online helpdesk attendant play along - he actually schooled the (I'm guessing) teacher employed customer (Redditor UranusExporer - no seriously) in truly embracing the Asgard faith.

Note to self: Next time I ring the power company, I'm starting off Judge Dredd. Any bad responses will then encourage me to scream "I am the LAW!" down the phone, and that's always been on my bucket list.

What do you think?

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

PANEL BEATER: Random Thoughts From My Recent Comics Haul

It's been a wee while since I dove into my pull list and cheered what's working great, separating it from what needs a kick and what needs a shove. Pulling three books at random, and writing a bullet review on each, here's what caught my eye in the last few weeks.

RANDOM REVIEW: ARMOR HUNTERS #2: For a solo gun-toting, nearly indestructible bad ass, Bloodshot sure soars in team up situations.

While having H.A.R.D. Corps in his own title diluted the waters a bit, in Harbinger Wars he stole the show, and in Armor Hunters, he's doing the same. Not only does the issue's last page scream 'make me into a poster', pairing the woman who speaks to machines with a man made of nanites is one of the best ideas Valiant has had so far - and that's saying something.

SORRY IT'S COME TO THIS: FANTASTIC FOUR #7 
Last month I cancelled the All-New Invaders (despite the team being one of my all-time favs), and now I have cancelled arguably my true all-time favourite team title, The Fantastic Four. Leonard Kirk's art has been stunning and combined with the inks of Karl Kesel - one of comics most underrated talents and workhorses - their pages are almost worth the price of admission. Sadly, the writing is not.

Like writer James Robinson's All-New Invaders, Fantastic Four's events drag or jump in bizarre ways. The Original Sin tie-ins star a 'revelation' that seems both blown out of proportion and more than a little been there done that for this book, while the Avengers taking on a solo Invisible Woman gets criminally glossed over despite the cover, so a court case against Reed Richards can rabbit on for ages. 

After all the hype I had for both books under James's run, I'm left hoping Namor and Thing get solo series soon as part of the Marvel onslaught, so I can still have a taste of each team, without reading the drag of the actual monthlies.

COMIC OF THE MONTH: THE SANDMAN: OVERTURE #3: 
Neil Gaiman is like the liquid terminator at the end of T2, as it is dropped into liquid metal, and shifts through all the identities it assumed during the film in a short space of time. Throughout this book Neil is lyrical, metaphorical, cosmic, romantic, depressing and insightful. While trapped in the moment of either stage it can seem disjointed from the last, it still unites by the end page to form an amazing comic experience.



From Jack Kirby-ish galactic swarms of beetles to giants holding up bridges over time and space, from cat reflections of Daniel's inner-self to the truth behind the first love his heart ever burned for (Alianora for you Sandman: A Game Of You fans), what makes the reader writhe like the T-1000 is J.H. Williams III's art. He shifts style with every scene and yet makes it seem cohesive at the same time. His layouts are as crazy cool as always and the eye of his imagination knows no bounds.

Together, The Sandman: Overture is truly a dream state delivered by a dream team. Sure the wait between issues is a little large, but for quality like this, I seriously don't mind. In fact the longer the wait between issues, the longer we get to savour the unravelling being told.

What were your hits of the month?

Monday, August 25, 2014

WEIRDNESS FROM THE REAL WORLD: Own This Chocolate Bathroom Suite For $133,000

When you drop a piece of chocolate in the tub, does the five second rule still apply? Sure the question alters drastically when it's 'drop a block of chocolate off in the bath', but keep it clean (we're not that kind of site).

Still, for those still puzzling over the first predicament, let me complicate things further by introducing a complete bathroom set, crafted from Belgian chocolate. Not just a bathtub, but a toilet, sink and bidet. See what I mean about complete? Who the hell has a bidet anymore? Kinky bastards.



While 'Come checkout my 9.4 million calorie bathroom' is sure to be slightly more interesting dinner conversation than it is a local bar pick-up line, making a chocolate toilet sure gives us males even more excuse to miss.

If you're tired of praying to the porcelain Gods every hangover, you can start giving the bog a 'Hershey's Kiss' for just $133,000 (bidet - $11,700, sink - $15,000, toilet - $23,400, tub - $83,600), every six months. Yes, this selection is natural chocolate, and its limited shelf-life means it needs replacing just as often - unless you get massive munchies, then maybe it'll last 48 hours if you're lucky.

On sale by UK chocolatiers Choccywoccydoodah and Bathrooms.com, the ultimate 'bathroom suite' that melts in your mouth, not your hand (or under your butt) is made fresh to order here, and can be delivered in 2-3 months. Despite the fact it is a bathroom set however, warnings are not to place near a heating appliance or radiator - not even close to hot water. Sorry folks only cold showers and shaves from here on out. Tasty ones though.

What do you think?